Baby on board

The hubs and I have lost our minds.

Immediately after SB and BW were born, I started thinking about having another baby.  At my six-week checkup, I asked the doctor how soon we could start trying again.  He recommended 6-8 months.  I laughed, as I had no intention of getting pregnant again so soon, but I figured I could probably stop taking birth control when SB and BW were 9 months old to get a start on things.

See, SB and BW took longer than we planned to conceive.  And involved several months of medical help, so I did not want to delay the clock ticking a second time.

When the 9-month mark rolled around, I was not really interested in getting pregnant again.  I was still nursing, SB and BW were not sleeping through the night consistently, and I felt very complete with SB and BW.  Fast forward to 11 months, and the hubs and I had a serious conversation about our family planning.  Hubs and I aren't spring chickens, and we both felt there might be one more kid in our future, and if there was, we should start trying to make that kid sooner rather than later.  So, I stopped taking the pill, and thought that we would probably get pregnant when SB and BW were around two, if it happened at all.  I was at peace with not having another child.

Because I was still nursing, my cycle didn't return for two more months.  But two months after that - BAM.  Positive pregnancy test.  I didn't tell the hubs for two days.  I was petrified.  Especially when I calculated the due date, which was, for all intents and purposes, SB and BW's birthday. Three under three wasn't really in our expectations.

So yeah, I am well into my pregnancy with SB and BW's little sibling.  And spend a lot of my time stressing about little things, like getting three kids into carseats in our vehicle that has less-than-ideal front-facing tether anchor positioning (who knew you had to worry about this crap?). And getting all three kids in and out of daycare, especially when we make giant kids that outgrow their infant seat at like 6 months. And the COST of daycare, I am so damn grateful we live somewhere where daycare is not outlandishly expensive, and sometimes a bit saddened that I still make enough money that it remains feasible for me to work with three kids in daycare :). I know, from experience, that in the grand scheme of things these difficult times will be relatively short, and soon I will be sending three kids who alternate between being best friends and worst enemies off to school by themselves, but I also know, from experience, how each individual day can be SO hard.

I also have this desire to explain myself to people.  We have remained fairly private about our infertility, but being pregnant so soon after having twins makes me want to explain to people WHY I am pregnant again so soon - I feel I should explain that we aren't stupid or ignorant about using contraception, but we expected it would take a long time or it wouldn't even happen at all...and we were completely blindsided. That we didn't plan to have another baby exactly two years after we had the twins.  That there isn't some special event in August that we have celebrated that has resulted in me knocked up twice.  I probably overthink things too much, probably because I have a bad habit of judging others too much.  And look where it got me :)