On summer...

I started to type this post long ago, but only made it as far as the title, and now it is September.  Which seems fitting, as that is how our summer went.  it was there for a moment, then it was gone. 

I feel like this summer we finally broke the surface of our drowning in littles and took some big gulps of air.  We still flounder and drop below the surface once in a while, but we're now treading water instead of drowning.  We've found a babysitter we trust as another option besides my mother who we trust to feed and put to bed all three kiddos on her own. We've gotten some (very brief!) time away.  Life is still chaotic and messy and I'm forever behind on projects (my closet will just always be a disaster, I'm afraid) but it feels more manageable.

So, I failed miserably at getting my kids signed up for any "summer activities."  Since I'm a procrastinator, literally everything was full by the time I started trying to register them.  Then I had an "aha" moment.  My kids are in a wonderful daycare center where they get to play outside all day and learn through play, and my work schedule meant any activities would be in the evenings or on weekends.  The activities I was looking at registering (swimming lessons, gymnastics, dance, sports sampler) were all indoors.  Why, for the life of me, would I put my kids indoors in the middle of our relatively short Midwest summer?  So, I viewed my procrastination failure as a blessing in disguise and instead focused on getting outdoors for walks, bike rides, and the playground.  We set up our tiny pool and took full advantage of the neighbor's quick-set pool, ran through sprinklers, drank out of the hose, and enjoyed summer.

And we blinked, and summer was over.   I sent my kids to daycare today in pants and sweatshirts.  Sure, it's getting up to 65 today, but the morning was chilly.  Which I love - I love this time of year, with crisp mornings followed by warm, sunny days.  But it means we are getting closer to the tipping point - the time when my kiddos will be closer to four than three, and closer to two than one.  How is that possible already?  SB and BW have moved to the next preschool room (already?) They just moved from the toddler room a few months ago, and Nugget moved to the toddler room.  She's still bald except for her mullet-in-training in the back, so she still looks like a baby, at least.

Potty-training success!

SB and BW sailed through their first few days of daycare wearing underwear.  I expect there will be accidents here and there, but it seems we are firmly in the underwear-wearing camp.  I am still so impressed with how  smoothly things went.  I think we just managed to hit the sweet spot with timing and them being ready to train.  I know I'm always anxious to hear what has worked for other people, so I'll share our potty-training weekend - although I make no claims I actually know anything about how to be successful at potty-training.

As a bit of background, we have had potty seats in our house since SB and BW were about 18 months.  We offered that they could sit, but never really pushed it. We also bought undies and allowed them to wear undies here and there, but didn't pursue anything.  Although I had originally hoped to have them trained before Nugget's arrival,  As I started to get closer to Nugget's delivery date, they started regressing and refusing the potty, or sitting for only a second or two, so I stopped pushing, figuring they would regress anyway even if we did get them trained before Nugget was born.

I decided to try a rough 3-day method because BW was definitely showing interest here and there, and I had a 4-day weekend coming up where we could stick close to home anyway.  I was a bit worried if we could make it stick at daycare though, because neither of the twins were using the potty at daycare.  I mentioned it a few times that we were going to start wearing underwear on Friday, and we picked out new underwear, but didn't spend a lot of "build-up" to wearing undies.

For our initial training weekend, I had two potty seats in addition to the regular toilet in our main floor bathroom.  Our regular toilet also has the seat with the built-in child seat.  I let them pick what they want to use each time.  Now, I have one potty seat in the main floor bathroom and one in the upper level bathroom near their room.  My "plan" was to have them try every 20 minutes for 5 minutes at a time, but we deviated from that pretty quickly.  Here's a brief summary:

• Offered potty.  Reminded them to tell me if they needed to go.  Offered every 20 minutes, if they refused reminded them to tell me if they needed to go, the first day.
• Kept them within 8-10 feet of the bathroom the entire first day.
• Cheered like crazy and encouraged them to cheer for each other.  Gave 1 m&m for pee, 3 for poop.
• Pushed drinks like crazy.  Mostly water, but some milk and some lemonade.  Played "tea party" to keep them drinking fluids.
• Used diapers for naps/bedtime (this has been a struggle, as they take their diapers off at naps, and don't nap.  I was also worried that BW would use this time to poop in her diaper, as she normally poops at naptime.  However, she has pooped in the potty since day 1.  We have switched to some leftover pull-ups from a friend for nap/bed, which the girls will leave on - so I guess the rest of their diapers can go into storage for when Nugget gets to that size).

By the middle of day 3, we were all a bit stir-crazy.  You can only paint and color and play with play-dough in the kitchen so long. I had wanted to try a short outing, so we decided to go over to visit friends (who knew we were potty training).  However, we needed to pick some stuff up to grill, so we also needed to make a short grocery store visit.  This also went amazingly well.  SB even used the toilet at the grocery store.

We were having such good luck that by day 4, I loosened the reins considerably.  We set up the kiddie pool and let them play outside most of the day, and still did a great job of telling me they had to go and running into the house.  Zero accidents. All poops in the potty.

I was really nervous to send them off to daycare because (1) they wouldn't get m&ms there (although by day 3 I was no longer giving them for every success) and (2) they would have to tell someone other than me they had to go.  I talked with SB and BW the day before about people they could tell at daycare if they had to go potty.  I packed up 4 pair of undies and 4 pair of pants per kid, told daycare how we had done and hoped they wouldn't be in diapers again at the end of the day.

I need to give my kids more credit.  No accidents.  3 days of daycare in undies and we haven't touched the extra clothes.  Woo hoo!

Potty training times two

Potty training twins is a bit scary.  We dove head-first into potty training over the long weekend.

And nailed it. I am so proud of my big girls.

However, SB and BW went back to daycare this morning for the first time in over a week - transitions are hard, especially for SB.  I am so anxious to hear if they continue their success, and worried about setbacks.

Enjoying summer 2.0

As I write this, I am watching two ponytails bob around the back yard picking clover (we need to spray for weeds and fertilize our lawn, clearly).  It's a rare moment when Nugget is napping so the girls are engaging in "unstructured free play," which gives me a free moment to pull out the laptop on the deck.  I read an article on facebook yesterday about how they are finding that unstructured outdoor play is key for children to get to use their imagination and assist in developing their brain, etc etc.  I think this is one of the great benefits to having twins for your first pregnancy - they have an instant playmate.  They are starting to engage in more pretend play and I enjoy observing from a distance.

This is definitely a benefit to being home on maternity leave and having SB and BW home as well.  I don't feel guilty or like I'm giving up some of our precious non-work time that I get with them to let them run around and explore on their own.  While I still know that being a stay at home mom isn't the best choice for me or my family, I would love to work part time if that was an option.  I suppose it would be with some lifestyle changes, but the availability of part-time jobs in my field where we are located is almost nil.  So, I'll savor what is likely my last maternity leave, which is already passing by much to fast.

The countdown is on, and twin laundry dilemmas

So, my last post whined about how unprepared I am for Nugget to arrive.  What do I do?  Agree to house guests a few weeks before my due date.  Then get sick two days before they are to arrive, when I would ordinarily be frantically cleaning before they arrive.  The hubs has (once again) stepped up and done the cleaning that needed to be done, and offered to help with SB and BW's laundry.  However, this is a realm where I am really on my own.  SB and BW are different sizes - about 5 lbs and 1.5 inches difference between them.  They are also built differently - BW has LONG limbs and a poochy tummy because her ab muscles still haven't closed; SB has a petite build with a longer torso.  Also, toddler clothing has NO consistency whatsoever.  It's worse than vanity sizing for adults, I think.  The only area where I can cleanly separate their clothes by size is pjs, and as they start to prefer two-piece pjs over footies, even this is getting blurred.  So, I know in my head what fits who and quickly sort through the clothes for each kid.  However, I can't say to someone else "BW gets all the 4T shirts (yes,4T - she is very tall) and SB gets all the 3T shirts" because BW still fits well in some of the 3T.  Pants are the same - some of the 3T are still too long for SB; some still fit BW but I have passed on to SB as she has outgrown her 2T pants.

I have also complicated this by getting hand-me-downs/buying used clothing for about a year, some from other twin parents, some not.  I would estimate about 85% of their clothing is used; I do buy them new stuff occasionally!  Which is great for my wallet, but usually results in trial and error for what fits when, since I buy ahead sizes figuring at least one of them will fit into it at some point - I think i have a few things up to size 6 already.   I miss when they were close enough in size that they could just have a completely shared closet, though - so much easier for other people to help with laundry.

Toddler Twins talking

I love our daycare.  They focus so well on infant through preschool intellectual, social and emotional development.  The hubs and I dropped the girls off for daycare the morning after tossing their pacis, and notified the lead teacher that they had done really well with dropping them off, and had processed it well.  She proceeded to tell us that toddlers can learn up to four new words a day.  Four.  Now I feel challenged to make sure I am introducing four words to them a day, in a context that they can understand the usage.

I don't want this post to seem braggy or preachy.  I know all kids are different.  But I also get tired of people who generalize that twins "talk late" or that twin parents shouldn't be worried if their twins aren't using many words by two "because they are twins".  A few weeks before SB and BW had their 18-month doctor appointment, I started writing down words that they spoke, because I wanted to have an idea of their word count if the doctor asked.  I had to keep pulling the list out frequently because they were adding words every day. By 18 months, they each were saying approximately 85-90 words, not counting animal sounds.

The downside?  They also easily pick up on my terrible speech habits and repeat them - most of which I am unaware of until two little minions in my house start using them frequently.  For a long time, SB and BW used "Yeah" as a reply instead of "yes".  I joked it was the German in them.  Now, when they are trying to assert their independence, they emphatically say "I do it, kay?" - apparently from the multitude of times they have heard me say, "Mommy will do it, okay?"  And my latest, least favorite, when I say their name, they will reply "What?" Argh. 

Bye bye paci/wubba/nukie

We bit the bullet and got rid of SB and BW's pacis Sunday night.  We planned to do it this coming weekend, when we didn't have big plans with anyone else and could sneak in naps if need be or put the girls to bed early.  But circumstances presented themselves, so we jumped off the cliff.  This was on my list of things to do before Nugget arrives, so I'm hoping it goes smoothly. 

Like most of my parenting choices, this is one that changed pre- and post-baby.  I had not wanted to introduce pacifiers, because i was concerned about nipple confusion with breastfeeding.  That lasted until our second night home, when we caved and offered the girls pacis.  It was a wonderful decision.  It did not interfere with our BFing relationship and SB and BW could satisfy their need to suck without being attached to me at all times.  By four months, we only gave the girls their pacis in the car and for sleeping time.  We also invested in Wubbanubs.  Best.paci.ever.  We rarely had to go in to give them the wubbanub because if it fell out of their mouth while sleeping, they could find it.  It was also nearly impossible for them to fall through the slats of the crib.   At five months, we took away wubbas in the car, and they only got them for sleep time.  Although I planned to take them away at a year, SB and BW were not ready.  They had only recently started consistently sleeping through the night, were getting their first molars...and it just continued from there.  There was always a disruption or reason to not take them away.  SB chewed through hers about six months ago...and we panicked and gave her a spare we had laying around after she wouldn't settle at all. 

About a month ago, SB's paci at daycare broke.  She's been napping without one at daycare since.

However, Friday night SB's home paci cracked.  The girls didn't take a nap Saturday, and I gave it to her Saturday night, but I didn't want to keep giving her a potential choking hazard.  I also didn't want to introduce another new one, when we were so close to giving them up.  So, we asked her if we should throw it away since it was broken, and explained this meant that there would be no more paci.  She agreed she wanted to throw it away.  BW doesn't like to be left out, so we asked if she would like to throw hers away too, and she said she did (she still has her wubbanub, so we cut the paci part off and she kept the animal part). So we had both girls throw theirs in the trash.

We put them to bed...and crying ensued.  I think the problem here is SB and BW are pretty smart, and SB knew that her paci was still RIGHT THERE in the garbage and someone could retrieve it for her, as we expected SB to transition much better.  It took them about an hour and a half to finally fall asleep.  But, once asleep, they did phenomenal.  Possibly because they were so worn out, but we didn't have to get up once to comfort/console during the night.  Of course, I slept terrible because I was EXPECTING it to be a disastrous night, so I couldn't seem to get into a deep sleep.  We heard a "paci broke" over the monitor, and a whimper here or there, but we didn't have to go soothe them once.  Go SB and BW!  Although they commented this morning about "paci broke" they did not ask for them.  Hopefully the trend continues. 

Growing up

We are nearing the homestretch to twin two-year-olds, folks, and also nearing the homestretch to three under three.  Ack.  The hubs and I were discussing when to celebrate SB and BW's 2nd birthday, and decided that we will plan it for a few weeks after nugget is here.  That will accommodate a possible early delivery without wrecking birthday plans and also allow people to meet nugget if they so desire.  We're also tossing around adding in baptism for nugget since we will have family that would need to travel from out of state for baptism.  Of course, I would feel a bit bad about piling all those events on family members in the same weekend, but oh well.

I can't believe they are almost two already.  It seems like they just turned one.  Although they have typical toddler moments, the are just so.much.fun.  SB's hair hasn't grown in front yet, so she has built-in bangs.  BW's hair, on the other hand, grows in a lovely mullet-ish style that results in her hair hanging in her eyes but the rest of the hair on the top of her head not being long enough to pull up into a proper ponytail.  She won't leave clips in so she gets a sideswept ponytail that sticks out to hold her hair out of her eyes, at least.  I swear it seemed shorter this morning and I sometimes suspect that daycare may take a scissors to it. 

Although SB was more vocal when they were little, she is definitely our more reserved twin (ironic since I labeled her "social butterfly"), but the risk-taker - that child has no fear.  She will jump off of almost anything.  I see broken bones in our future.  She has an extensive vocabulary but will try not to use words if you let her get away with it.  If you ask her to use her words, she often says "please" while knocking on her head.  I have no idea where she picked up that gesture.  Her favorite phrase right now is "I do it!"  She is very coordinated for her age and height (99%) and is very frustrated that she can't quite figure potty training out because she really wants to wear underwear.  She is definitely a mama's girl and loves to give ferocious hugs and loves animals.  She is still a picky eater and will eat the minimum required to survive, although we recently discovered she loves marshmallow peeps.

BW is our "family ambassador" she loves saying hi to people and now that she is starting to learn the daycare employees' first names, she loves saying hi and bye to them as we enter and leave every day.  She likes things need and organized and loves to throw things in the garbage if they belong there.  She also loves to help and volunteers to "help" sweep, empty the dishwasher, and cook.  She also wants to "help" with vacuuming but it still a bit scared of the vacuum so ends up being a bit distraught over it.  She is definitely more empathetic than her sister and is quick to comfort SB, but is also the first to push, hit, bite, etc. to get her way if necessary.  She is taller than SB and much less coordinated, and also much more cautious.  She will "jump" off of things by stepping down, then triumphantly say "I jump!"  She particularly loves being goofy right now and making us laugh - it looks like we may have a class clown in our future.

I'm looking forward to seeing what personality nugget has.  Will she be more like SB or BW? Or will she be some combination of both? Or entirely herself?

Amber teething necklaces

So, with SB and BW having total craptastic sleep lately, a marked increase in drooling that should not be normal for a toddler, SB struggling to pop her bottom canines through for what feels like a year now, and 2-year molars on the horizon, I decided to hop into the game late and buy some baltic amber teething necklaces.  They don't really wear them much because they can't sleep in them, (they apparently have baby cankles so  I can't do the double wrap around the ankle that some moms recommend), and they can't wear them to daycare, so they basically wear them on weekends.  But if it results in a non-meltdown toddler for the weekend, I'll take it.

I didn't know until I started shopping for these necklaces that baltic amber was such a counterfeit product.  I'm fairly confident that the ones I eventually purchased were real, although I still don't feel 100% sure.  Initially you would have thought I put a terrible torture device on them, they love their necklaces now.  Do they help?  I can't tell for sure - the most definitive change I've noticed so far is a decrease in drool.  SB was literally drooling down her shirt sometimes like a 5-month-old baby previously, and the drool has pretty much stopped.  Plus, SB's one canine did finally cut through this weekend, so hopefully we only have to work through one more of those. 

Even if they only have some minimal effect - they are super cute, and SB and BW should be done with them right around the time that I can consider them for the baby that is currently gestating, then I'll probably try to re-sell them for close to what I paid.

Toddler Christmas times two

Christmas is tough as a toddler, but SB and BW handled it like champs.  Mostly.

SB and BW have become much more scheduled than I ever intended.  Pre-mom days, I was one of those people that believed I wouldn't schedule my life around my kid.  They would be flexible, they would be exposed to new people and new things and new places to sleep so I wouldn't be the parent going home or unable to pass my kid off to someone else because they are clinging to my neck.

Oh, I was naive.

Here's the thing.  My kids are depending on me to meet their needs, and that's my job as a parent.  I need to make sure they aren't hungry, or thirsty, or exhausted.  They are too little to get a drink or snack themselves, or put themselves in their crib. And even though they have quite the vocabulary for 18+ months at this point, they still can't formulate or articulate "I'm hungry" very well.  It's just my job to decipher that this time they are a grouch because they are thirsty, or hungry, or have an annoying tooth, or whatever.

So, the hubs and I have *gasp* become those parents who keep our kids on a set bedtime, and plan things around naps.  Because, my kids do.not.sleep away from their cribs during the day.  They do not pass out in their stroller. They do not fall asleep in someone's arms at a party.  They do not take nice long naps in the car (anymore).  Trust me, we've tried. And, since I have now experienced sleep deprivation after having newborn twins, I make it a priority to make sure they get good, restful sleep.  And we are all happy about it.

But I digress.

So, we aren't so regimented that we never deviate from our sleep schedule, and I've gotten a bit more lax as the girls are moving more into toddler-hood since their sleep needs are not as great.  However, we had several things converge around Christmas that made things difficult.

First, we moved 5 days before Christmas.  Don't do it.  Just don't.  Then, we had an unexpected death in the family the  day after we moved, which resulted in a funeral December 23, then we hosted Christmas Eve at our house, and went to family's house for Christmas Day.  Because of timing on Christmas Day, our girls got a nap in the car for about 20 minutes, which was probably only the result of almost nonexistent sleep the two previous days.  By the time we opened gifts on Christmas Day, they were basically running on three days of no nap, and later bedtimes.  They had several mini-crises during gift-giving, which was a chaotic affair with toy stealing by other kids and not enough space.

Our Christmas this year almost felt like an afterthought, a blip in a bunch of other stuff. But there are moments that I will still cherish.  SB and BW being enamored with their Christmas ornaments from last year, which have their initial, their full name, and their birth stats on them.  Daycare is big into their "letter" (the first initial of their first name) so the fact that we have that on their ornaments is huge.  The hubs made them a play kitchen from an entertainment center, which BW especially was thrilled about - she starting banging pans around right away.  SB loved the monkey floor pillow she got from grandma and later used it as a quiet spot to fill her diaper.  Not really the intended use there, SB.

And our new home is such a home.  Although we have been there a week, and our walls are bare, and there are still boxes stacked everywhere, and our window treatments just finally arrived today so I don't have to pee in the dark anymore, it feels like our home already.  It is filled with laughter and books and little girls who slide down the stairs on their tummies.

Baby on board

The hubs and I have lost our minds.

Immediately after SB and BW were born, I started thinking about having another baby.  At my six-week checkup, I asked the doctor how soon we could start trying again.  He recommended 6-8 months.  I laughed, as I had no intention of getting pregnant again so soon, but I figured I could probably stop taking birth control when SB and BW were 9 months old to get a start on things.

See, SB and BW took longer than we planned to conceive.  And involved several months of medical help, so I did not want to delay the clock ticking a second time.

When the 9-month mark rolled around, I was not really interested in getting pregnant again.  I was still nursing, SB and BW were not sleeping through the night consistently, and I felt very complete with SB and BW.  Fast forward to 11 months, and the hubs and I had a serious conversation about our family planning.  Hubs and I aren't spring chickens, and we both felt there might be one more kid in our future, and if there was, we should start trying to make that kid sooner rather than later.  So, I stopped taking the pill, and thought that we would probably get pregnant when SB and BW were around two, if it happened at all.  I was at peace with not having another child.

Because I was still nursing, my cycle didn't return for two more months.  But two months after that - BAM.  Positive pregnancy test.  I didn't tell the hubs for two days.  I was petrified.  Especially when I calculated the due date, which was, for all intents and purposes, SB and BW's birthday. Three under three wasn't really in our expectations.

So yeah, I am well into my pregnancy with SB and BW's little sibling.  And spend a lot of my time stressing about little things, like getting three kids into carseats in our vehicle that has less-than-ideal front-facing tether anchor positioning (who knew you had to worry about this crap?). And getting all three kids in and out of daycare, especially when we make giant kids that outgrow their infant seat at like 6 months. And the COST of daycare, I am so damn grateful we live somewhere where daycare is not outlandishly expensive, and sometimes a bit saddened that I still make enough money that it remains feasible for me to work with three kids in daycare :). I know, from experience, that in the grand scheme of things these difficult times will be relatively short, and soon I will be sending three kids who alternate between being best friends and worst enemies off to school by themselves, but I also know, from experience, how each individual day can be SO hard.

I also have this desire to explain myself to people.  We have remained fairly private about our infertility, but being pregnant so soon after having twins makes me want to explain to people WHY I am pregnant again so soon - I feel I should explain that we aren't stupid or ignorant about using contraception, but we expected it would take a long time or it wouldn't even happen at all...and we were completely blindsided. That we didn't plan to have another baby exactly two years after we had the twins.  That there isn't some special event in August that we have celebrated that has resulted in me knocked up twice.  I probably overthink things too much, probably because I have a bad habit of judging others too much.  And look where it got me :)

Breastfeeding twins - the financials

You often hear proponents of breastfeeding assert that it is "free" - while the actual milk is free, the methods of extracting and storing it, particularly for working moms, can add up quickly. I've assembled a list of my estimated purchases to breastfeed twins through seven months.  This is not a "must have" list - just a list of what has worked for me up to this point.

1. $190. Breast pump - A necessity if returning to work or if you have inefficient nursers. I got my Pump In Style advanced on sale for $190. Here it is in use. It looks really gross, I know.

Side note - your insurance may cover a breast pump due to the requirements of the Affordable Care Act. Because the ACA just requires coverage of a pump and does not specify what kind, your insurance may offer you a single hand pump, like mine did. I passed on that, although I've heard some people actually have better luck with hand pumps. 

2. $200. Second breast pump. After being back to work for two days, I decided there was no way I was transporting a pump back and forth every work day for the next 9 months. I found a PISA metro bag on Craigslist, still new in the box, and bought it for $200. This is my at home/travel pump because the "guts" of the pump are removable from the tote bag in a separate bag. I can leave it sitting on my nightstand or toss it in my suitcase for trips, and I don't have to transport my work pump back and forth. I never use the included tote bag. 

3. $12.99. (?) Cooler bag.  I pump approximately 30 oz during the work day - plus I store my pump parts in the cooler between pumping sessions. The small black cooler that comes with the pump just isn't a great option for me.

4.  Free -(well, paid through my hospital bill) the small 80mL containers (and extra tubing, flanges, etc) for the medela pump. Because I pumped in the hospital, I received like 8 of these - I use them frequently, as I only freeze BM in 6,8, and 10oz quantities - so I'll store the overflow in these to reach even quantities for other pumping sessions. It's also helpful to have the extra flanges, valves, etc so you aren't constantly washing parts. 

5. $12.99 - Munchkin high capacity drying rack. I hand wash my pump parts because we only run our dishwasher intermittently. This drying rack holds a TON of stuff in a relatively small area. Skip the boon grass. Seriously. 

6. $13.99. 100-count Lansinoh freezer bags. (Multiplied by 4). I pretty much freeze all my pumped milk each night, except for the odd bottle here and there, as daycare will prepare bottles and take milk frozen in any quantity. I bring in about 150oz frozen at a time. Note - I routinely put 10oz in these bags, even though the max measurement on the bag is 6 oz. In all the bags I have used for the past 4 months (about 18-20 a week, probably) I have had two leak. Not bad. 

7.  $35. Hands-free pumping bra. I know some people cut holes in an old sports bra, and when I forgot my hands free bra in a hotel room, I did that for a few days to get me by - but for working, I find the hands-free bra much more convenient. 

8.  Evenflo BPA-free 8 oz bottles - 12 pack. I bought two of these when I had to travel for work - I used one set to transport my pumped milk home, and I used the other set to store fresh milk in the fridge for DH, as I wasn't sure how many ounces the girls would take for feedings when they normally nursed. These bottles are compatible with the med.ela parts, so I usually use one of these for pumping, too, as I occasionally overflow the 5 oz bottle otherwise.

9.  AA batteries. The little battery pack is handy for pumping in the car in a pinch, or in an airport bathroom stall...

I'm sure I could think of other expenditures, but these are the things that have made being a working, occasionally traveling, nursing mom of twin infants easier. 

Battling the masses - babies are people, too.

So, I started writing this post in March.  But then Google decided to hate on IE, and I drifted away from posting even more than I already had because I had to write posts in HTML, which I didn't want to bother with.  However, I think this is still relevant.  So, I'm working in Firefox now, read away if you want.

This post builds on my previous post. I have made an observation that I think may be easier to make with fraternal twins as opposed to a singleton - all babies are unique.

Duh, you say, right?

But as a first-time parent, it's easy to get caught up in the hype of "I must be doing it wrong". For example, comparing yourself to the people whose babies are sleeping through the night at six weeks, or those who can lay their "drowsy but awake" baby down and he/she drifts happily off to sleep, and you are still zombie-walking your way through multiple night wakings at 8 months.

Here's what I've discovered - it depends on the kid.  Although parents of singletons may have already figured this out, I think it's more obvious with twins, because you're doing (almost) the same thing at the same time.  Obviously, there are variables. But, we had a good sleeper and a bad sleeper.  I followed the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins" - which was wonderful, since it says the first 4 months are all about survival, and you should put your twins to sleep any way you can.  Which I did. Nursed them to sleep, rocked them to sleep, put them in a rocking swing a few desperate nights...However, we did start working on the whole drowsy but awake thing.  SB? would totally crane her neck back at a funny angle and pass out almost immediately most of the time.  BW? Not having it.  I'll post more about sleep trials in a later post, but we did the same exact thing with their nighttime routine - and we had one good sleeper and one poor sleeper (of course, now that we are 18 months in, they have completely flip-flopped and BW is the better sleeper at the moment).

We had a similar experience with eating.  We started solids at about 6.5 months.  We skipped rice cereal because I was having a crunchy mom time period, and started with avocado.  BW? Loved it.  SB - hated it with the fire of a thousand suns, complete with coughing and whole-body shudders.  We continued to offer both girls the same foods at the same meals - egg yolk, beans, veggies - with much the same result. BW will eat pretty much everything in sight as quickly as she possibly can, and SB eats likes a bird, refuses to taste foods randomly but will often like something if you can just get her to open her mouth and try it for a second...she also has a strong preference for complex flavors.  Buttered noodles? Won't touch them. A boston sushi roll with some soy sauce? More, pease. 

So, takeaway?  Do what works for you, and what you believe is best for your kid.  If it doesn't work like it worked for your friend, or your mom, or your mother-in-law - it's probably not because you failed, or your kid failed.  It's because your kid is an individual, with an individual personality and quirks.

Indecisiveness

I am a terribly indecisive person. I hate having to make choices. This results in my decision-making usually happening in a few ways - (1) I rely on someone else to make the decision for me, (2) I explore limited options so I won't have many choices, or pick the first thing I find, or (3) I find many things, try to determine what others have done, think their choice is the best make a choice based on what others have said and often regret it an change to something else.

This indecisiveness is particularly stressful as a parent, because parenting is constant choices and decision-making. Crib? Co-sleep? Bed-share? Sleep training? Should I ease up on sleep training tonight because of teething? Cloth or disposable? Baby led weaning? I make choices, then instantly second-guess them. Argh. I knew parenting would be hard, but I never thought I would feel like I was so TERRIBLE at it. I know, if I care whether I'm terrible, it means I'm not terrible, but it's still a nearly constant feeling of second-guessing nearly everything I do and whether it's the right thing. 

Bottom line is, I have to just remind myself that I have two beautiful babies who are growing, meeting milestones, and are some of the happiest beings you will ever meet, and I need to just breathe. 

Traveling while breastfeeding - aka pumping in an airport bathroom

I've had to take a few trips for work since the babies were born. This is tough, for two reasons: (1) pumping and traveling with breast milk, and (2) ensuring care for babies while I'm away. I have gotten completely comfortable with caring for both babies on my own - dr. appts, overnights, etc. Is it tough? Yes. Is it doable? Definitely. Kudos to single moms of twins, though - I'm certainly glad I don't have to do it all the time. Although DH has become more comfortable with caring for the girls on his own, so far the overnight care has been pretty daunting for him, so my mom usually comes to help out. Luckily my work trips are usually somewhat flexible so I have been able to plan around DH's schedule and my mom's schedule.

 My trips have been for one overnight, two full days - I'm not comfortable with anything longer than that yet, and I think the amount of milk I would have to bring back for anything longer would be prohibitive - a two-full day trip is 100oz plus pumping and dumping some... 

 For the few days prior to my trip, I don't freeze any milk, and instead store it in the fridge in 8oz Evenflo bottles, numbered 1-9 or 10 so DH can easily tell which is the oldest and should be used first. This allows him to prep bottles with the least amount of hassle, and he can always give an additional ounce or two without having to defrost extra. This was especially helpful for the first trip where I wasn't sure what the girls would drink in their "at home" bottles. (SB in particular goes on a bit of a nursing strike when I'm gone). Here is my packing list for pumping while traveling: 

 -handsfree bra 

 -medela pump - "pump" only, plus wall adapter and battery adapter 

-nursing cover (in case you have to, in a pinch, pump in public) 

-medela cleaning wipes 

-zip lock bags (for storing pump parts in between pumping sessions) 

-large hardside cooler. I think this keeps things colder than a softside, but it may be more difficult to stow under your seat on the plane - I use one that still has a canvas exterior and shoulder strap so I can carry all the other items for pumping. My pump and pump parts fit in the main section of the cooler. 

-12 8 oz evenflo bottles These don't have screw on caps, but I use the medela ones - I have almost 12, and I use the inverted nipple/cap combo on the few remaining. You can buy extra caps, I believe, but I haven't searched to hard for them since I don't need them often. 

-ice packs 

-pump parts - one full set. I usually plan out my pumping so that I can pump and combine bottles and use every bottle for storage. I don't combine cold and freshly pumped milk, as I believe this is a no no, so this sometimes takes some coordination. 

-dish soap to wash parts at the hotel 

-2 80 mL snap-lid containers 

-8 AA batteries 

 -hand sanitizer 

 My trips have, for the most part, gone off without a hitch. A few things I've learned: (1) Nursing/pumping will allow you to travel with breastmilk in excess of the 3 oz rule. You also can bring items greater than 3oz if they are frozen solid when you pass through security. They will test a random number of bottles, depending on the volume you are traveling with - they no longer open the bottles or use the paper strips. 

(2) The TSA website says you should tell them a TSA agent if you are traveling with breastmilk. Even if you do, they will still run it through the xray without telling anyone else, you will have to tell the person operating the xray that you are traveling with breastmilk, too. 

(3) Make sure you ask for a fridge for your hotel room, and make sure it will be turned on and cold prior to your arrival. Also make sure that it isn't so cold that it will freeze your breast milk - if you freeze then thaw breast milk, you have to use it in 24 hours. 

(4) airports are surprising unfriendly for pumping. If you can find a family restroom, use that. Otherwise, sometimes the handicapped stall may be your best bet, or a quiet corner under a nursing cover. 

 (5) Don't be afraid to inquire about time and a place to pump at your destination.

(6) people will be very curious why you are traveling with a large cooler. 

(7) plan to nurse as soon as you get home if possible - even if it's a dreamfeed. 

Breastfeeding twins - six months and beyond

Once I returned to work, breastfeeding became a little more complicated because of time constraints, but is overall easier. I returned at 12 weeks, but I still have essentially the same schedule. The babies usually wake up between 6 and 7. If it's earlier than about 6:15, we try to get them back to sleep, or they turn into weepy puddles of tiredness around 7:45 am. I usually tandem nurse them at 7 am, unless they are unhappy with waiting. They then got 5 oz bottles at daycare at 9, 12, and 3. I pick them up around 5:15 from daycare, tandem nurse at 5:30, then tandem nurse them to sleep at bedtime (usually around 7 pm. I still nurse them separately in the middle of the night unless both are awake and fussing to eat at the same time. Since starting solids, they still nurse at 7 am, then have a fruit puree at daycare around 8:30, a 5 oz bottle at daycare at 9:30, 5 oz bottle at 12:30, and 4 oz bottle at 3:30, then tandem nurse at 5:30, veggie puree and other solids at 6 pm, then tandem nurse for bed between 6:45 and 7. Around 5 months their nursing time started to drop, first to around 15 minutes, then to 10, and they average about 6-8 minutes at a time now. I still need to tweak the feeding schedule, as I'm needing to continue to increase solids intake, and I thin they are consuming more than enough breast milk at daycare and not nursing enough at home. They are also reverse cycling to some extent, and are eating more at the middle of the night feeds than they do during the daytime nursing sessions - we're still at two nighttime nursing sessions, and occassionally three, Zombies. We are still Zombies. Although not ideal for mom and dad's rest (dad still gets up to help with babies in the middle of the night if necessary), BW has gone from the 30% for weight to the 75%, and SB went from 30% to 50%. Of course, they are both also in the upper 90th percentiles for length.

I'm still pumping at work, obviously, and I still pump every night around 10 pm. I loathe this 10 pm pumping session, but I am concerned about my supply/freezer stash dwindling, which is probably ridiculous, considering I have a 1000-ounce freezer stockpile, but I can't give it up yet - although I have started to skip it occasionally. Which I always regret when I'm engorged at about 1 am. I'm probably cut it out in another few weeks or so - I think when the babes get close to 9 months I'll be okay with dropping it.

Breastfeeding twins - the first six months

After two weeks, DH had to head back to work. We were also struggling with the time it took for the supplemental feeding with the syringe feedings. We had met with the lactation comsultant a few times and discussed paced bottle feeding, so we switched over to Tomm.y Tipp.ee bottles for supplementing. Because the girls had not been back up to birth weight at their one week appointment, we were also having to go in for periodic weight checks.  I also decided that I was going to feed the babies on demand, instead of on a schedule and supplement as necessary. The babies still stuck to about an every three hours schedule, but I would usually start the first nurser before the three-hour mark to avoid two very hungry babies at the same time, so the overall scheduling was fairly variable.

Because it took BW three weeks to get to one ounce over her birth weight and she was gaining slowly, I still had to set an alarm and not let the babies go more than three  hours nursing at night. This paid off, and around four weeks, BW suddenly figured nursing out. Her latch improved, she stopped falling asleep eating, and she was definitely getting adequate calories. This was a bit of a turning point for nursing. I stopped having to supplement, which freed up some time, nursing both babies was only taking about 45-60 minutes, and I got the all-clear from the doctor around 4.5 weeks to let them sleep as long as they wanted at night. (I stil remember the first time it only took an hour to feed and change both babies in the middle of the night. I was SO excited to get 2 consecutive hours of sleep).

Once we had nursing down, I started to try tandem again. I bought a twin nursing pillow, but my torso was too long for it to be effective - It was designed to be used with the football hold, and I ended up having to prop it up on my lap and still hold both babies' heads/upper bodies the entire time they were nursing. The only good thing about it was that it had a "lip" on the edge so I could balance a baby on the pillow while I lifted the next baby into position, but for the most part, I still needed DH's help. I then searched "tandem nursing" online to see if there were other options for positioning, and discovered a position that worked for me, which was to semi recline on the bed or couch and effecitvely lay a baby on each side and cradle them in each arm, with a pillow to support my arms. This was still pretty difficult when the babies didn't have good head control, and I only used it in a pinch when I had two babies who were hungry at the exact same time, but once the babies' head control and assisted sitting improved, this also became fairly routine. It also helped to have an overstuffed rocking recliner - I could recline a little bit, and use the overstuffed arms to balance the babes as I got them into position. The rocker recliner is a beast, not my first choice of decor, and dominates the baby room, but it was definitely a wise purchase.

Around 8 weeks, the babies started to sleep a longer stretch at night - and by 12 weeks, they were only waking once to nurse, around 3 am, which meant they were going about an 8-hour stretch. They also otherwise essentially reset themselves to the every-three-hours schedule that was originally started in the hospital. This was divine. My body adjusted quickly to the one night waking around the same time, I felt well-rested just in time to return to work, and I could pump around 10 at night to build my freezer stash. I joyfully told everyone that our babies were good sleepers, love it, so easy.... This lasted for about one month, and the babies went back to sleeping anywhere from 4-6 hours before their first waking. My body does NOT adjust to waking between 12 and 2 am. That must be some awkward place in my sleep cycle or something. Dreamfeeding doesn't help. But all in all, we were over the nursing hump and things were "easy"  

Teething

I think BW is teething. At least, I hope that is the legitimate explanation for why she was a melodramatic kicking, thrashing pile of sobs and screams last night. Although SB has had her two bottom teeth for almost two months now, we don't have a lot of experience with teething, because SB's barely caused a blip in her behavior. One appeared one day, and the other followed two days later.  Anyway, BW wanted her paci, then she didn't. Wanted to nurse, then she didn't. Wanted to cuddle, then she didn't. It went on for almost two hours. BW is normally really easygoing, so I know there has to be some reason for the dramatics. Anyway, here's to hoping a tooth pops through soon an things settle back down. 

On the move...

BW is army crawling a rocking on all fours. She can't quite get all the movements coordinated, but with her long limbs and aggressive pull/push motions, she can cover ground pretty quickly. SB is has figured out she can propel herself forward by pushing with her legs, but hasn't figured out how to incorporate her arms yet, and since she isn't a fan of the face plant that results when she pushes off with her legs, she isn't too mobile yet. She LOVES to stand and walk holding our hands though, like scream with delight love, and I wouldn't be too surprised if she pretty much skips crawling. We need to start babyproofing. 

Tactile baby

So, BW is a very tactile baby. We call her our "thinker" and she is very inquisitive. If she sees a different pattern on a blanket, she'll touch it, she'll see if it comes off. She tries out moving pieces on all toys very deliberately - she doesn't swat at things willy-nilly and discover they make noise - she carefully "tests" them to discover what they do. It's actually pretty darn cool to watch. Lately, she has taken to flicking her fingers over objects to discover their textures - this includes fabric, facial hair, and vertical blinds. She is fascinated by discovering that different things make different noises. It is pretty cool to watch. 

And just so I don't leave SB out of this post - SB gives the best hugs. Seriously. Arms wrapped, legs wrapped, head snuggled, whole body hugs. They are awesome. She will also give a face/head hug, where she concentrates her affection to the recipient's head/face. As these typically involve a lot of hair grabbing, sharp baby nails, and baby drool, they are slightly more painful and gross, but still awesome.