Step-parent titles - from both sides of the coin

I feel that I have a bit of a benefit for writing about step-parenting because I've had a step-parent and I've been a step-parent now for six years.  I recently saw a thread about step relationships, where people referred to these relation ships as "bonus" relationships as opposed to "step" relationships, and I'm trying to adopt this lingo in my life.  My step-dad always felt that he was somehow short-changed being relegated to the "step" title.  Although my first dad is still very much a part of my life, I grew up with the every-other-weekend visitation with my dad, so my step-dad was the primary father figure for my day-to-day life.  He came to my sporting events, took me shopping, came to my prom, helped me buy my first car, cooked me meals, gave me chores...he was another dad for me, and I think "bonus" dad is a much more apt title for the role he played in my life. He passed away two years ago, which I will probably write more about later, so I am disappointed I won't be able to refer to him as my bonus dad when he can hear it.

I've also been a step-mom for six years, and I struggle somewhat with how to define our family for others.  Out of respect for my stepdaughter and her very much present relationship with her mom (her mom and the hubs share joint custody), I don't want to completely "claim" her as my own.  However, I also very much believe that she is partly mine, and part of my family, which is why I like the phrase "bonus" daughter to refer to her.  Because she truly is a wonderful bonus that I received when I married the Hubs.  She is polite, kind, and witty, and I am happy she has been a part of her life.  We don't draw lines in the sand regarding her relationship with her sisters at our house - there is no "half-sister" designation.  My mom and dad embrace her as one of the grandchildren and loves spending time with her as well. Our littles are lucky to have such a great big sister.  She truly is a bonus.  Now I just need to train my brain to make the language switch.

I'll probably write more about being a bonus mom for my bonus daughter, as well.  It's a tricky area to navigate sometimes, but I think we're doing it fairly well.