Toddler Christmas times two

Christmas is tough as a toddler, but SB and BW handled it like champs.  Mostly.

SB and BW have become much more scheduled than I ever intended.  Pre-mom days, I was one of those people that believed I wouldn't schedule my life around my kid.  They would be flexible, they would be exposed to new people and new things and new places to sleep so I wouldn't be the parent going home or unable to pass my kid off to someone else because they are clinging to my neck.

Oh, I was naive.

Here's the thing.  My kids are depending on me to meet their needs, and that's my job as a parent.  I need to make sure they aren't hungry, or thirsty, or exhausted.  They are too little to get a drink or snack themselves, or put themselves in their crib. And even though they have quite the vocabulary for 18+ months at this point, they still can't formulate or articulate "I'm hungry" very well.  It's just my job to decipher that this time they are a grouch because they are thirsty, or hungry, or have an annoying tooth, or whatever.

So, the hubs and I have *gasp* become those parents who keep our kids on a set bedtime, and plan things around naps.  Because, my kids do.not.sleep away from their cribs during the day.  They do not pass out in their stroller. They do not fall asleep in someone's arms at a party.  They do not take nice long naps in the car (anymore).  Trust me, we've tried. And, since I have now experienced sleep deprivation after having newborn twins, I make it a priority to make sure they get good, restful sleep.  And we are all happy about it.

But I digress.

So, we aren't so regimented that we never deviate from our sleep schedule, and I've gotten a bit more lax as the girls are moving more into toddler-hood since their sleep needs are not as great.  However, we had several things converge around Christmas that made things difficult.

First, we moved 5 days before Christmas.  Don't do it.  Just don't.  Then, we had an unexpected death in the family the  day after we moved, which resulted in a funeral December 23, then we hosted Christmas Eve at our house, and went to family's house for Christmas Day.  Because of timing on Christmas Day, our girls got a nap in the car for about 20 minutes, which was probably only the result of almost nonexistent sleep the two previous days.  By the time we opened gifts on Christmas Day, they were basically running on three days of no nap, and later bedtimes.  They had several mini-crises during gift-giving, which was a chaotic affair with toy stealing by other kids and not enough space.

Our Christmas this year almost felt like an afterthought, a blip in a bunch of other stuff. But there are moments that I will still cherish.  SB and BW being enamored with their Christmas ornaments from last year, which have their initial, their full name, and their birth stats on them.  Daycare is big into their "letter" (the first initial of their first name) so the fact that we have that on their ornaments is huge.  The hubs made them a play kitchen from an entertainment center, which BW especially was thrilled about - she starting banging pans around right away.  SB loved the monkey floor pillow she got from grandma and later used it as a quiet spot to fill her diaper.  Not really the intended use there, SB.

And our new home is such a home.  Although we have been there a week, and our walls are bare, and there are still boxes stacked everywhere, and our window treatments just finally arrived today so I don't have to pee in the dark anymore, it feels like our home already.  It is filled with laughter and books and little girls who slide down the stairs on their tummies.

Baby on board

The hubs and I have lost our minds.

Immediately after SB and BW were born, I started thinking about having another baby.  At my six-week checkup, I asked the doctor how soon we could start trying again.  He recommended 6-8 months.  I laughed, as I had no intention of getting pregnant again so soon, but I figured I could probably stop taking birth control when SB and BW were 9 months old to get a start on things.

See, SB and BW took longer than we planned to conceive.  And involved several months of medical help, so I did not want to delay the clock ticking a second time.

When the 9-month mark rolled around, I was not really interested in getting pregnant again.  I was still nursing, SB and BW were not sleeping through the night consistently, and I felt very complete with SB and BW.  Fast forward to 11 months, and the hubs and I had a serious conversation about our family planning.  Hubs and I aren't spring chickens, and we both felt there might be one more kid in our future, and if there was, we should start trying to make that kid sooner rather than later.  So, I stopped taking the pill, and thought that we would probably get pregnant when SB and BW were around two, if it happened at all.  I was at peace with not having another child.

Because I was still nursing, my cycle didn't return for two more months.  But two months after that - BAM.  Positive pregnancy test.  I didn't tell the hubs for two days.  I was petrified.  Especially when I calculated the due date, which was, for all intents and purposes, SB and BW's birthday. Three under three wasn't really in our expectations.

So yeah, I am well into my pregnancy with SB and BW's little sibling.  And spend a lot of my time stressing about little things, like getting three kids into carseats in our vehicle that has less-than-ideal front-facing tether anchor positioning (who knew you had to worry about this crap?). And getting all three kids in and out of daycare, especially when we make giant kids that outgrow their infant seat at like 6 months. And the COST of daycare, I am so damn grateful we live somewhere where daycare is not outlandishly expensive, and sometimes a bit saddened that I still make enough money that it remains feasible for me to work with three kids in daycare :). I know, from experience, that in the grand scheme of things these difficult times will be relatively short, and soon I will be sending three kids who alternate between being best friends and worst enemies off to school by themselves, but I also know, from experience, how each individual day can be SO hard.

I also have this desire to explain myself to people.  We have remained fairly private about our infertility, but being pregnant so soon after having twins makes me want to explain to people WHY I am pregnant again so soon - I feel I should explain that we aren't stupid or ignorant about using contraception, but we expected it would take a long time or it wouldn't even happen at all...and we were completely blindsided. That we didn't plan to have another baby exactly two years after we had the twins.  That there isn't some special event in August that we have celebrated that has resulted in me knocked up twice.  I probably overthink things too much, probably because I have a bad habit of judging others too much.  And look where it got me :)

Breastfeeding twins - the financials

You often hear proponents of breastfeeding assert that it is "free" - while the actual milk is free, the methods of extracting and storing it, particularly for working moms, can add up quickly. I've assembled a list of my estimated purchases to breastfeed twins through seven months.  This is not a "must have" list - just a list of what has worked for me up to this point.

1. $190. Breast pump - A necessity if returning to work or if you have inefficient nursers. I got my Pump In Style advanced on sale for $190. Here it is in use. It looks really gross, I know.

Side note - your insurance may cover a breast pump due to the requirements of the Affordable Care Act. Because the ACA just requires coverage of a pump and does not specify what kind, your insurance may offer you a single hand pump, like mine did. I passed on that, although I've heard some people actually have better luck with hand pumps. 

2. $200. Second breast pump. After being back to work for two days, I decided there was no way I was transporting a pump back and forth every work day for the next 9 months. I found a PISA metro bag on Craigslist, still new in the box, and bought it for $200. This is my at home/travel pump because the "guts" of the pump are removable from the tote bag in a separate bag. I can leave it sitting on my nightstand or toss it in my suitcase for trips, and I don't have to transport my work pump back and forth. I never use the included tote bag. 

3. $12.99. (?) Cooler bag.  I pump approximately 30 oz during the work day - plus I store my pump parts in the cooler between pumping sessions. The small black cooler that comes with the pump just isn't a great option for me.

4.  Free -(well, paid through my hospital bill) the small 80mL containers (and extra tubing, flanges, etc) for the medela pump. Because I pumped in the hospital, I received like 8 of these - I use them frequently, as I only freeze BM in 6,8, and 10oz quantities - so I'll store the overflow in these to reach even quantities for other pumping sessions. It's also helpful to have the extra flanges, valves, etc so you aren't constantly washing parts. 

5. $12.99 - Munchkin high capacity drying rack. I hand wash my pump parts because we only run our dishwasher intermittently. This drying rack holds a TON of stuff in a relatively small area. Skip the boon grass. Seriously. 

6. $13.99. 100-count Lansinoh freezer bags. (Multiplied by 4). I pretty much freeze all my pumped milk each night, except for the odd bottle here and there, as daycare will prepare bottles and take milk frozen in any quantity. I bring in about 150oz frozen at a time. Note - I routinely put 10oz in these bags, even though the max measurement on the bag is 6 oz. In all the bags I have used for the past 4 months (about 18-20 a week, probably) I have had two leak. Not bad. 

7.  $35. Hands-free pumping bra. I know some people cut holes in an old sports bra, and when I forgot my hands free bra in a hotel room, I did that for a few days to get me by - but for working, I find the hands-free bra much more convenient. 

8.  Evenflo BPA-free 8 oz bottles - 12 pack. I bought two of these when I had to travel for work - I used one set to transport my pumped milk home, and I used the other set to store fresh milk in the fridge for DH, as I wasn't sure how many ounces the girls would take for feedings when they normally nursed. These bottles are compatible with the med.ela parts, so I usually use one of these for pumping, too, as I occasionally overflow the 5 oz bottle otherwise.

9.  AA batteries. The little battery pack is handy for pumping in the car in a pinch, or in an airport bathroom stall...

I'm sure I could think of other expenditures, but these are the things that have made being a working, occasionally traveling, nursing mom of twin infants easier. 

Battling the masses - babies are people, too.

So, I started writing this post in March.  But then Google decided to hate on IE, and I drifted away from posting even more than I already had because I had to write posts in HTML, which I didn't want to bother with.  However, I think this is still relevant.  So, I'm working in Firefox now, read away if you want.

This post builds on my previous post. I have made an observation that I think may be easier to make with fraternal twins as opposed to a singleton - all babies are unique.

Duh, you say, right?

But as a first-time parent, it's easy to get caught up in the hype of "I must be doing it wrong". For example, comparing yourself to the people whose babies are sleeping through the night at six weeks, or those who can lay their "drowsy but awake" baby down and he/she drifts happily off to sleep, and you are still zombie-walking your way through multiple night wakings at 8 months.

Here's what I've discovered - it depends on the kid.  Although parents of singletons may have already figured this out, I think it's more obvious with twins, because you're doing (almost) the same thing at the same time.  Obviously, there are variables. But, we had a good sleeper and a bad sleeper.  I followed the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins" - which was wonderful, since it says the first 4 months are all about survival, and you should put your twins to sleep any way you can.  Which I did. Nursed them to sleep, rocked them to sleep, put them in a rocking swing a few desperate nights...However, we did start working on the whole drowsy but awake thing.  SB? would totally crane her neck back at a funny angle and pass out almost immediately most of the time.  BW? Not having it.  I'll post more about sleep trials in a later post, but we did the same exact thing with their nighttime routine - and we had one good sleeper and one poor sleeper (of course, now that we are 18 months in, they have completely flip-flopped and BW is the better sleeper at the moment).

We had a similar experience with eating.  We started solids at about 6.5 months.  We skipped rice cereal because I was having a crunchy mom time period, and started with avocado.  BW? Loved it.  SB - hated it with the fire of a thousand suns, complete with coughing and whole-body shudders.  We continued to offer both girls the same foods at the same meals - egg yolk, beans, veggies - with much the same result. BW will eat pretty much everything in sight as quickly as she possibly can, and SB eats likes a bird, refuses to taste foods randomly but will often like something if you can just get her to open her mouth and try it for a second...she also has a strong preference for complex flavors.  Buttered noodles? Won't touch them. A boston sushi roll with some soy sauce? More, pease. 

So, takeaway?  Do what works for you, and what you believe is best for your kid.  If it doesn't work like it worked for your friend, or your mom, or your mother-in-law - it's probably not because you failed, or your kid failed.  It's because your kid is an individual, with an individual personality and quirks.

Indecisiveness

I am a terribly indecisive person. I hate having to make choices. This results in my decision-making usually happening in a few ways - (1) I rely on someone else to make the decision for me, (2) I explore limited options so I won't have many choices, or pick the first thing I find, or (3) I find many things, try to determine what others have done, think their choice is the best make a choice based on what others have said and often regret it an change to something else.

This indecisiveness is particularly stressful as a parent, because parenting is constant choices and decision-making. Crib? Co-sleep? Bed-share? Sleep training? Should I ease up on sleep training tonight because of teething? Cloth or disposable? Baby led weaning? I make choices, then instantly second-guess them. Argh. I knew parenting would be hard, but I never thought I would feel like I was so TERRIBLE at it. I know, if I care whether I'm terrible, it means I'm not terrible, but it's still a nearly constant feeling of second-guessing nearly everything I do and whether it's the right thing. 

Bottom line is, I have to just remind myself that I have two beautiful babies who are growing, meeting milestones, and are some of the happiest beings you will ever meet, and I need to just breathe. 

Traveling while breastfeeding - aka pumping in an airport bathroom

I've had to take a few trips for work since the babies were born. This is tough, for two reasons: (1) pumping and traveling with breast milk, and (2) ensuring care for babies while I'm away. I have gotten completely comfortable with caring for both babies on my own - dr. appts, overnights, etc. Is it tough? Yes. Is it doable? Definitely. Kudos to single moms of twins, though - I'm certainly glad I don't have to do it all the time. Although DH has become more comfortable with caring for the girls on his own, so far the overnight care has been pretty daunting for him, so my mom usually comes to help out. Luckily my work trips are usually somewhat flexible so I have been able to plan around DH's schedule and my mom's schedule.

 My trips have been for one overnight, two full days - I'm not comfortable with anything longer than that yet, and I think the amount of milk I would have to bring back for anything longer would be prohibitive - a two-full day trip is 100oz plus pumping and dumping some... 

 For the few days prior to my trip, I don't freeze any milk, and instead store it in the fridge in 8oz Evenflo bottles, numbered 1-9 or 10 so DH can easily tell which is the oldest and should be used first. This allows him to prep bottles with the least amount of hassle, and he can always give an additional ounce or two without having to defrost extra. This was especially helpful for the first trip where I wasn't sure what the girls would drink in their "at home" bottles. (SB in particular goes on a bit of a nursing strike when I'm gone). Here is my packing list for pumping while traveling: 

 -handsfree bra 

 -medela pump - "pump" only, plus wall adapter and battery adapter 

-nursing cover (in case you have to, in a pinch, pump in public) 

-medela cleaning wipes 

-zip lock bags (for storing pump parts in between pumping sessions) 

-large hardside cooler. I think this keeps things colder than a softside, but it may be more difficult to stow under your seat on the plane - I use one that still has a canvas exterior and shoulder strap so I can carry all the other items for pumping. My pump and pump parts fit in the main section of the cooler. 

-12 8 oz evenflo bottles These don't have screw on caps, but I use the medela ones - I have almost 12, and I use the inverted nipple/cap combo on the few remaining. You can buy extra caps, I believe, but I haven't searched to hard for them since I don't need them often. 

-ice packs 

-pump parts - one full set. I usually plan out my pumping so that I can pump and combine bottles and use every bottle for storage. I don't combine cold and freshly pumped milk, as I believe this is a no no, so this sometimes takes some coordination. 

-dish soap to wash parts at the hotel 

-2 80 mL snap-lid containers 

-8 AA batteries 

 -hand sanitizer 

 My trips have, for the most part, gone off without a hitch. A few things I've learned: (1) Nursing/pumping will allow you to travel with breastmilk in excess of the 3 oz rule. You also can bring items greater than 3oz if they are frozen solid when you pass through security. They will test a random number of bottles, depending on the volume you are traveling with - they no longer open the bottles or use the paper strips. 

(2) The TSA website says you should tell them a TSA agent if you are traveling with breastmilk. Even if you do, they will still run it through the xray without telling anyone else, you will have to tell the person operating the xray that you are traveling with breastmilk, too. 

(3) Make sure you ask for a fridge for your hotel room, and make sure it will be turned on and cold prior to your arrival. Also make sure that it isn't so cold that it will freeze your breast milk - if you freeze then thaw breast milk, you have to use it in 24 hours. 

(4) airports are surprising unfriendly for pumping. If you can find a family restroom, use that. Otherwise, sometimes the handicapped stall may be your best bet, or a quiet corner under a nursing cover. 

 (5) Don't be afraid to inquire about time and a place to pump at your destination.

(6) people will be very curious why you are traveling with a large cooler. 

(7) plan to nurse as soon as you get home if possible - even if it's a dreamfeed. 

Breastfeeding twins - six months and beyond

Once I returned to work, breastfeeding became a little more complicated because of time constraints, but is overall easier. I returned at 12 weeks, but I still have essentially the same schedule. The babies usually wake up between 6 and 7. If it's earlier than about 6:15, we try to get them back to sleep, or they turn into weepy puddles of tiredness around 7:45 am. I usually tandem nurse them at 7 am, unless they are unhappy with waiting. They then got 5 oz bottles at daycare at 9, 12, and 3. I pick them up around 5:15 from daycare, tandem nurse at 5:30, then tandem nurse them to sleep at bedtime (usually around 7 pm. I still nurse them separately in the middle of the night unless both are awake and fussing to eat at the same time. Since starting solids, they still nurse at 7 am, then have a fruit puree at daycare around 8:30, a 5 oz bottle at daycare at 9:30, 5 oz bottle at 12:30, and 4 oz bottle at 3:30, then tandem nurse at 5:30, veggie puree and other solids at 6 pm, then tandem nurse for bed between 6:45 and 7. Around 5 months their nursing time started to drop, first to around 15 minutes, then to 10, and they average about 6-8 minutes at a time now. I still need to tweak the feeding schedule, as I'm needing to continue to increase solids intake, and I thin they are consuming more than enough breast milk at daycare and not nursing enough at home. They are also reverse cycling to some extent, and are eating more at the middle of the night feeds than they do during the daytime nursing sessions - we're still at two nighttime nursing sessions, and occassionally three, Zombies. We are still Zombies. Although not ideal for mom and dad's rest (dad still gets up to help with babies in the middle of the night if necessary), BW has gone from the 30% for weight to the 75%, and SB went from 30% to 50%. Of course, they are both also in the upper 90th percentiles for length.

I'm still pumping at work, obviously, and I still pump every night around 10 pm. I loathe this 10 pm pumping session, but I am concerned about my supply/freezer stash dwindling, which is probably ridiculous, considering I have a 1000-ounce freezer stockpile, but I can't give it up yet - although I have started to skip it occasionally. Which I always regret when I'm engorged at about 1 am. I'm probably cut it out in another few weeks or so - I think when the babes get close to 9 months I'll be okay with dropping it.

Breastfeeding twins - the first six months

After two weeks, DH had to head back to work. We were also struggling with the time it took for the supplemental feeding with the syringe feedings. We had met with the lactation comsultant a few times and discussed paced bottle feeding, so we switched over to Tomm.y Tipp.ee bottles for supplementing. Because the girls had not been back up to birth weight at their one week appointment, we were also having to go in for periodic weight checks.  I also decided that I was going to feed the babies on demand, instead of on a schedule and supplement as necessary. The babies still stuck to about an every three hours schedule, but I would usually start the first nurser before the three-hour mark to avoid two very hungry babies at the same time, so the overall scheduling was fairly variable.

Because it took BW three weeks to get to one ounce over her birth weight and she was gaining slowly, I still had to set an alarm and not let the babies go more than three  hours nursing at night. This paid off, and around four weeks, BW suddenly figured nursing out. Her latch improved, she stopped falling asleep eating, and she was definitely getting adequate calories. This was a bit of a turning point for nursing. I stopped having to supplement, which freed up some time, nursing both babies was only taking about 45-60 minutes, and I got the all-clear from the doctor around 4.5 weeks to let them sleep as long as they wanted at night. (I stil remember the first time it only took an hour to feed and change both babies in the middle of the night. I was SO excited to get 2 consecutive hours of sleep).

Once we had nursing down, I started to try tandem again. I bought a twin nursing pillow, but my torso was too long for it to be effective - It was designed to be used with the football hold, and I ended up having to prop it up on my lap and still hold both babies' heads/upper bodies the entire time they were nursing. The only good thing about it was that it had a "lip" on the edge so I could balance a baby on the pillow while I lifted the next baby into position, but for the most part, I still needed DH's help. I then searched "tandem nursing" online to see if there were other options for positioning, and discovered a position that worked for me, which was to semi recline on the bed or couch and effecitvely lay a baby on each side and cradle them in each arm, with a pillow to support my arms. This was still pretty difficult when the babies didn't have good head control, and I only used it in a pinch when I had two babies who were hungry at the exact same time, but once the babies' head control and assisted sitting improved, this also became fairly routine. It also helped to have an overstuffed rocking recliner - I could recline a little bit, and use the overstuffed arms to balance the babes as I got them into position. The rocker recliner is a beast, not my first choice of decor, and dominates the baby room, but it was definitely a wise purchase.

Around 8 weeks, the babies started to sleep a longer stretch at night - and by 12 weeks, they were only waking once to nurse, around 3 am, which meant they were going about an 8-hour stretch. They also otherwise essentially reset themselves to the every-three-hours schedule that was originally started in the hospital. This was divine. My body adjusted quickly to the one night waking around the same time, I felt well-rested just in time to return to work, and I could pump around 10 at night to build my freezer stash. I joyfully told everyone that our babies were good sleepers, love it, so easy.... This lasted for about one month, and the babies went back to sleeping anywhere from 4-6 hours before their first waking. My body does NOT adjust to waking between 12 and 2 am. That must be some awkward place in my sleep cycle or something. Dreamfeeding doesn't help. But all in all, we were over the nursing hump and things were "easy"  

First Christmas

Christmas with babies is completely different from Christmas as an adult. No surprise, I know.