Hubs and I tag-team daycare drop off in the morning. We have a routine - he takes Nugget and drops her in her room, and I take SB and BW to their room. Hubs checks the kids in on the computer system, and waits for me and we walk out together.
One thing that bothers me is that when Hubs and I are upset with each other, like we were this morning from an argument that lingered from last night, I'm sure it shows. I'm sure staff and other parents can tell that our demeanor toward another is different. I probably care too much about what people think, but it bothers me that this coolness is on display for everyone.
Our argument last night was over something simple, but turned into something hard, with anger. I have, for some reason, suffered from unrelenting sciatica for the past three days. That, coupled with lack of sleep and stress and frustration led to me getting more angry that I thought I could. I left the house to cool off. I'm ashamed that I got so angry. I'm ashamed and afraid that perhaps our voices were loud enough that they disturbed the sleep of SB and BW, and might have scared them. My early childhood was filled with lots of fighting between my parents. Most of the details I've forgotten, but a few I remember. I don't want my kids to have those memories, so I am ashamed it may have happened last night.
I can do daycare drop off (and pick up) on my own, and I have several times. It's a bit of a juggling act, and I may have clunked a toddler in the head with Nugget's infant seat once or twice, but it's not impossible. However, it is so much easier to share with Hubs, like everything else in life. I can do it on my own, but I want to do life with the person I love by my side. I want to share the burden. I want to support him when he needs it, and I want him to support me when I need it. Even after half a decade, we're still figuring this out - I expect it's a lifetime learning experience.
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